


Before You Go

by LeighJ



Series: Lyrically [4]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Beth Greene Lives, Confessions, Daryl Dixon Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Goodbye Sex, Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Love Confessions, Not Happy, One Shot, POV Daryl Dixon, Pain, Penis In Vagina Sex, Sad, Sad Ending, Sex, Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21511870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeighJ/pseuds/LeighJ
Summary: Beth's alive but she's not Beth, not really. Daryl knows it and he's going to have to learn to accept it. He just wants one piece to hold onto before she goes.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene
Series: Lyrically [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1577596
Comments: 16
Kudos: 52





	Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Before you go by Lewis Capaldi and this wrote itself. It's heavily influenced by the lyrics so I highly recommend giving it a listen. I hope you love.

The palm of his hand travels the length of Beth’s right thigh, his rough fingertips gliding so easily against her warm skin. He’s lost inside her, his whole being paying attention to her body beneath him; wrapped around him. Finally. After so many years, so many thoughts of this. He doesn’t want it to end; he doesn’t want her to go. His stomach clenches, hips thrusting forward and meeting hers in a sticky, soft slap. His palm meets her hip next and only briefly stops before he moves up her curves. She’s thicker than she was years ago, the breast he happens upon next filling his palm. She’s a woman now, a grown woman. A different woman.

A twisting in his stomach isn’t fire and heat, isn’t influenced by excitement but anxiety. His mind keeps falling into her and then scrambling back out desperately. He doesn’t want to get sucked in, he doesn’t want to lose himself to the heartbreak he knows is coming. Every time he starts to question why he’s allowing this, why she’s wrapped her naked body around his, she makes a sound. Breathy little gasps in his ear where his head rests on her shoulder. The slide of her fingers in his hair and his bristly mouth scraping her collarbone. He returns to her thigh and grips it softly to push up further up his back, parting her legs wider for his width. Beth slides down the bed and moans under her breath, her neck twisting until hair catches in his mouth.

He turns his head to the side and lays his ear upon her chest, her heartbeat pounding in time with his own. He misses her. He’s missed her for so long and he still misses her, because she’s not her. Because she’s gonna leave anyway. She’s gonna leave him. He presses forward and gasps in a breath, a sob that he won’t let free. That wild heat burning low in his stomach is growing hotter, fanned with every noise that slips free of her gasping mouth. He presses deeper, harder and grits his teeth, sweat slicking his and Beth’s body together. She feels so good against him, beneath him and it feels really fucking good being inside her.

Finally being inside her.

“Don’t go,” he growls into her ear, his hand tightening on her knee as he slides back and thrusts again. “Jus’ stay with me.”

“Daryl.” She grows still beneath him and his stomach falls to his knees.

Coming to his own stop, he pulls back and looks down at her. How can she hold onto him the way she’s doing, look at him with such pain and still make the decision she’s going to? “Y’know I have to.”

“Beth…” He groans, releasing her thigh and pulling himself free of her hot, wet depths.

She sighs and pushes up the mattress, taking a crumpled coverlet with her so she can cover her naked body. He hates that. Hates how she’s vulnerable now, almost cold with him. He wishes he knew how to fix her, how to fix that hurt in her eyes. It kills him that her mind tricks her into thinking she’s not good enough to stay, that she’s not one of them. He just wants to ask her if there’s something he can do, anything he can do before she goes to make it all stop hurting. To make her heart beat for him the way his beats for her, the way it craves her; needs her. He wants to shake her and beg and get on his knees, but he’s already done all that shit and it wasn’t enough for her.

Truth is, he isn’t enough for her. Time heals everything but not this, and it won’t ever. It won’t bring back her memories, it won’t bring back who she was. She’s here and she’s alive, breathing and there’s little pieces of her in there, but it’s not the full puzzle and she’s not Beth, not really. He’s looking at a ghost and maybe that’s the worst thing. That even though he wants her to stay, he knows she has to go as well as she does. He knows she’s never going to be Beth. Maggie knows it too, if the second bottle of Vodka he saw her with is any indication. It’s fucking cruel, having her right in front of them but not there at all. She has other people now, people she calls family.

She has a new story, a new path and it no longer aligns with his, or their family. She doesn’t belong here anymore, they both know it, but fuck, he just doesn’t want to accept it. He wants to believe he hates her but two minutes ago he was taking whatever piece of her he could get, so he knows he’s kidding the fucking life out of himself.

When she speaks, it’s sad but it's firm. “Y’said you wouldn’t do this. Y’said before I go we could have this.”

“Why would you even want it?” He growls as he shoves to his feet, pacing the room despite his bare body. “Why’re you in my bed when y’don’t even know me?”

“’Cause I…” her voice pinches and she audibly swallows. “I _feel_ you. There’s somethin’ there, somethin’ I can’t shake… but it’s not enough, Daryl. Clearly, it’ll never be ‘nough.”

He drags air in through his nose and runs both hands through his hair with a nod. She’s right. He wants to pretend it’ll be, that he’ll grow to accustom himself to this new person she is but he won’t. He knows he won’t. He misses Beth too much to look at someone else wearing her face. He wouldn’t love a twin in replacement of her, and he can’t love this stranger either.

“Come on,” Beth whispers softly. “We’ve only got a couple of hours.”

His mouth twists into a grimace. He’s limp now and he can’t see himself getting it up anytime soon. It doesn’t feel right. They should never have done it in the first place. He sits on the bed anyway and lets her throw the blanket over him.

“Jus’… lie here.” He grunts, laying back and opening his arms.

She lays her head on his chest and he closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath. She even smells different now. He swallows and lets his eyes remain closed, his arm around her. He can’t have her back but he can have the goodbye with Beth he never got. He can at least have that, he _needs_ that to keep going. “I shoulda told y’how I felt. When you asked.” He knows she doesn’t remember but she remains silent, because she’s letting him get it out too. “Was never the right time, an’ then there was no time. Y’were gone. An’ I been hurtin’ so long, y’know? Under the surface, all the time. I killed myself with what ifs. Sat up all night thinkin’ 'til my head hurt.”

“Daryl,” she whispers and hugs him tighter and it’s nice, but it’s not right.

“We’d be different, I think, f’I’d let my wall down then.” He scoffs. “Maybe you’d remember me, at least. Maybe it wouldn’t burn so fuckin’ much when you look at me the way you do.”

A soft sound escapes her and he feels guilty that he’s making her cry but this is his only chance, his one and only to say goodbye, to let go of this ghost hanging onto him. “I wish we were different too, I really do.”

Daryl thinks she really means it, he can hear it laced in her words. It brings him some comfort, some peace. There’s still a buried part of her in there who remembers that desperate connection they shared so long ago, that connection none of them were brave enough to hold on to. “I been in love with you f’years, Beth. An’ I’ve missed y’so fuckin’ much.” The sounds she makes can’t be mistaken for anything but sobs now and he can feel the hot wet on his chest. He hugs her tight to him, sure he’s hurting her but unable to let go. “An’ I’m so fuckin’ happy you’re alive.”

She lifts her head and there’s confusion on her face as he takes it in his hand. “I’ve prayed to whatever the fuck is there, if’s there’s anythin’ there f’r a real long time. An’ I’ve begged for you back, no matter what. I meant it every time an’ I mean it now. This’s the no matter what part.”

Beth’s lower lip wobbles and she presses them to his lips, shaking and warm. The kiss is nothing but goodbye. His chest aches but it’s sweet and it’s over in seconds. She lays back on his chest, crying softly as he strokes her hair.

“S’alright, Greene. I’ll always be waitin’, y’know that, right? Y’know I’ll wait.”

He feels her head brush his stomach in a nod as she hugs him tight. They doze until the rising sun wakes them and then they dress silently. It’s time to go. They share a look before they walk out of the room and then they share a smile. It gives Daryl the power to follow Beth to the little group she brought with her, the people she calls family now. She tenderly hugs Maggie and then him. When she steps back and gives a little wave, he tips his chin her way and watches her retreating back. It fucking hurts watching her walk away, his chest tightening when the gates begin to close behind her. She whips around suddenly and looks at him, her eyes wide and bright.

Daryl waves with as much enthusiasm as he can muster, his mouth tipping at the side. She grins at him and waves, a brilliant look in her eye. It’s hope. A simple, blinding drop of hope. It says one thing.

_Maybe I’ll come back._


End file.
